Well well well... What can i say
What an interesting 4 months this has been

I was talking to someone today who said to me that she envied kids of today. Every 6 months our lives change so dramatically and we dont even realise it happening until we reflect on what has passed! She said "It's like there is a switch on the back of our heads, and things get so bad, or so good, before someone pushes the switch and there's a complete change all over again"

4 Months ago, for me, there was no light at the end of the tunnel, there was nothing and I let myself become someone I haven't been for a long time!
Since then, OK, things haven't always been peaches and cream, but slowly and surely, everything was getting marginally better. Being single wasn't such a bad thing and I came to realise there wasn't a lot i could remember that was actually good about him. It's amazing how we can do that. Whether its an act of bitterness or an act of self realisation I will never know. But while at the time it all felt like everything I'd built was caving in around me, It really wasn't and I was given yet another traffic divert to a new road of self discovery that I hadn't experienced before!

Since my last depressing entry on my journal, I have remained single, I have changed my City, University and Course. And for the first time in nearly 20 years (baring in mind i am only the grand old age of 19) I was able to look in the mirror and not only realise that my reflection wasn't as bad as i have thought for all these years, but I was content with who was staring back at me. OK, I'm not perfect, I, like everyone, have my flaws! But for the very first time, I have finally become comfortable and happy with not only the person I am and have become, But i am happy with how this humble person looks on the outside as well as in... This has been one HUGE step...

I move to Southampton on the 25th of this month (July) and will start a Fashion with Photography course at the end of September
I have met a very lovely guy and have hit it off extremely well with him. Unfortunately Unless he moves to Southampton with me, there is no way it can last, I don't do long distance, but the bond we have is not strong enough to make that kind of commitment, it's all still very new. But in knowing this, again, for the very first time, I have been able to detatch myself (not completely) but enough to break away without getting hurt when the time comes, I have accepted this for what it is and what it was going to be and although have enjoyed every second and do wish something more could come of it. I know it won't last. But I'm OK with that. And like they say
Never Say Never eh?

So...
From now on, I will only write a journal every 6 months.
Again, I will remind you all that my journals are not a cry for attention. They are to vent and reflect.
Even though i know full well my stalker will read this at some point! You know who you are... leave me be... If I wanted to talk to you about this, I would. Do not bring it up in conversation ever again

Thank You for listening
x